Who is in the body is more important than anything with regard to affection. You feel affection for the hand, the foot, the neck, etc. of a person because of who you perceive they are. If you see a beautiful hand and see that it belongs to Adolph Hitler you will probably not feel affection for that hand. You must perceive the spirit or character of the person before you will feel affection. Therefore you must meditate upon them because that is the way you see the truth of any object or person. If your affection is diminishing or has gone for an individual then you are not taking the time to perceive that which is whole, good, beautiful, virtuous, etc. in that individual.
Meditation is simply the act of putting your awareness upon something and holding it there long enough to see its truth, meaning, etc. It is not thinking about the object, but only perceiving it. Thoughts will arise. Notice them and let them pass on, and then continue your task which is to keep your awareness upon the object of your affection.
“What if I see ugliness or weakness?” you may ask. As you meditate on them you will see weakness. "Weakness in others is temporary! Strength, virtue, and beauty are permanent!". Since weakness is temporary then it should be minimized and dismissed.
“How can you say this?” you may ask. “How can you say that weakness is temporary.” We are creative beings and when we imagine something, our creative faculties will all, automatically be employed to bring it about to the extent that we put our faith into that imagination. If you think “Oh he/she will never change” then you are contributing to that becoming true. To be happy we need to constantly be imagining the future as becoming or containing everything good and beautiful so that we are constantly manifesting that which is good, beautiful, abundant, etc.
We must continually be exercising faith that our loved one will continue to progress until they are perfectly whole! Don’t you think that this is why we are here; to learn and grow and become all that we can be.
Put your faith into your loved one that he/she will continue through their experiences in life to grow toward wholeness. If they don’t, well, “It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all”. Doing everything you can to help your loved one become all he/she is capable of being is the only worthy course.
We therefore minimize the temporary weakness and maximize the permanent strength, virtue, and beauty of our loved one in our meditation. We need to exercise faith that they are going to become everything we desire them to be. The weaknesses will, bit by bit, one day, go away. If they don’t, then at least you have not contributed to the fact that the weaknesses are still there and I believe you will find another who is everything you imagined your loved one to be. We are ultimately meant to get everything we desire.
To feel/increase affection for your loved one you just need to mediate on your loved one. Close your eyes and meditate on their image. Better yet open your eyes and meditate on them by watching their image and their activity. Observe and cherish the beautiful and good; ignore and dismiss the negative because they are temporary. Imagine and/or feel the whole, beautiful, virtuous being that they are becoming and one day will be. They will be and are therefore irresistible, kissable, lovable, etc.
If you do this you will be drawn to be more intimate with them and to express love for them. They will feel valued, loved, and of worth and therefore will be motivated to be a better companion, friend, lover, etc.
Having a hard time seeing the beauty? You may want to take a picture of your loved one when they were young and in a more visibly whole state of being. The beauty you see in the youthful photo is still there it is just hidden by temporary weakness.
So what is the most important activity with regard to affection? It is to look. It is to perceive with faith all that is desirable in them now and realize that one day they will blossom into a whole, irresistible being. See the beauty that is there and feel that more is to come.
