This entry is a summary of some of the key ideas I have presented in this blog.
First of all my definition of affection is key. Affection is simply the feeling we get when we perceive something of value in an object or person. There are all kinds of affections. The nature of the feeling depends on what characteristic(s) of the person or object one is perceiving. The feeling I get when I see the physical beauty of the eyes of a person is different from the feeling I get when I view a virtue in an individual such as kindness. Also the nature as well as the intensity of our affections depend on what we value and how much we value.
Love is the combination of affection and charity. By charity I mean the attitude and feeling of caring for the wellbeing of an individual. This aspect of love causes us to be concerned if an individual is happy or not, healthy or not, etc. So love is both the value we feel for various characteristics of the person (affections) and the attitude of caring for that person (charity). At this point I believe it is as simple as that.
Eros is the foundation of all desire. Eros is the need to return to the source or primary element from which we come. Eros manifests itself in us as a strong desire for union. This need is irresistible. Everything we seek to do is an act of union and is an attempt to return to the source; to fill our imperative need.
Affection is the filter we use to determine what and who we will satisfy the need for union (Eros) with. The result of affection is a desire for greater union; greater intimacy. Affection for another human being causes one to desire to get closer, to touch, to embrace, to kiss.
I define physical affection as affection for the physical aspect of an individual; for their body. Beautiful eyes, lips, face, arms, etc. generate the emotion of physical affection which the world thinks is sexual desire. It is not sex desire, it is erotic desire. The feeling a man feels when he sees the body of a beautiful woman is physical affection and is not necessarily lust. It is not a sexual feeling. Physical affection can lead to sexual stimulation and expression but it does not need to.
Many of the problems with intimacy within marriage stem from our belief that we should not feel pleasurable feelings from looking at and touching the bodies of members of the family except a husband or wife. This is a problem because if a man is repulsed by the body of his mother, he will eventually become repulsed at the body of his wife because she takes the place of his mother as one of her roles.
It wasn't till I felt physical affection for my mother that I had a complete, wholesome love for her. This also relates to my relationship with other members of my family.
Another intimacy problem stems from the fact that we become one with our spouse in such a way that we will treat our spouses body just as we do our own. If you are repulsed by your own body you may eventually become repulsed by your spouses.
Since affection is based on perceived value, the ability to retain and/or change our values is very important. The more value we place on our spouse, the more affection we will feel for them. We can change our values by meditating and pondering. Meditation is simply focusing our attention on one thing. When focus on or have 'an eye single' to one particular object or person we will see the true value of that object or person. Pondering is thinking about. As we ponder things our values shift.
We sometimes forget the value we originally placed on our spouse. We must look again at our spouse without any preconceived ideas. We must look with a meditate state of mind. Just look without thinking. At other times think about his or her value. It is just a matter of not seeing the value that is there. We get in a mode of taking them for granted instead of seeing clearly.
