Normal vs Gay

With my new definition of physical affection, meaning that it is the feeling we feel when we see the beauty and value of the human body, we can look at the issue of having physical affection for the body of someone of the same gender with a new perspective.

Because we have erroneously labeled the emotions of physical affection as “sexual” we may feel repulsed at the body of someone of the same gender because we don’t feel it appropriate to have “sexual” feelings for someone of the same gender. On the other hand those who yield to their feelings of affection make the mistake that the next logical step is sexual expression since these are “sexual” feelings. I suspect that the “homophobic” nature of many in the U.S. is from this incorrect identification of physical affection with sexual expression.

Physical affection leads to a desire for union (Eros). Therefore physical affection is “erotic” (not sexual) in nature and leads to a desire for increased intimacy. It leads to a touch, a kiss, a hug. Kissing and hugging someone of the same gender seems to have been more normal in the past than it is now.

When Judas betrayed Jesus he did it with a kiss. Jesus questioned him about it, showing how ironic it was that Judas would use something that was so special to betray him. It appears that kissing between men, at least with Jesus, was not only normal but special.

In the bible David indicated that he had great love for Jonathan the son of Saul. At the death of Saul and Jonathan, David lamented with the following words: “I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women” (2 Samuel 1:26).

Did David’s love for Jonathan involve physical affection? In 1 Samuel 20:41 it says “…David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another,..” (1 Sam 20:41). Again it appears in the past it was natural for men to kiss one another out of love and affection for each other.

I doubt that there was anything sexual about their love but I am sure it involved physical affection since their love exceeded that between a man and a woman. It doesn’t seem logical that physical affection was not part of it.

We have lost our “natural” affection for those of the same gender out of fear of sexual intimacy. Physical affection for one of the same gender is not abnormal nor does it have to lead to sexual expression. Indeed, if we do not have the capacity for physical affection for human beings of both genders, I believe we are lacking, we are not whole. The repulsion I felt for the bodies of other males is indicative of the confusion of sexual desire and the mild erotic feelings that are generated by physical affection.

Remember

If my definition of affection as simply the emotion we feel when we see value, beauty or meaning in someone or something, is correct, then we lose affection by simply no longer seeing value, beauty or meaning in the object of our affection. I have found the very simple act of looking at the person I have lost affection for and re-experienceing what it was that inspired my affection in the past rekindles some of that feeling. This isn’t a thinking thing it's a perceiving thing. You just watch the person you have had affection for in the past and allow yourself to see what it is that you saw before.

We tend to not have as much affection after being with someone for a long time simply because we are not paying as much attention to them as we did initially. The same things that we loved about them are probably still there. We just need to pay attention.

If you think they have lost what it was that inspired you before, you are probably wrong. I will talk more about this later, but even if your affection was inspired by physical beauty and that beauty has faded your original affection was probably not for the form alone. The form of a human being is of value only because of the person inside. You aren’t attracted to the body by itself. The body has meaning and beauty because of who is in it or who you imagine is in it. When someone dies they no longer have the attraction that existed when they inhabited the body, only to the extent one imagines the person still being in the body.