Erotic vs Sexual

The perception of beauty, value or meaning leads to affection, then affection leads to desire for intimacy. I am calling the desire for intimacy eros. If I want to say something has the quality of eros I would say it is “erotic”. Here I have a dilemma. I fear that most people think of “sexual” when they hear the word “erotic”. I don’t believe this is correct. Erotic only refers to the desire for union to satisfy the primary need. There are many, many forms of union, sexual relations being only one of them. I will stick with the term “erotic” and will qualify it at times by indicating in parenthesis “(not sexual)”.

To me erotic is not sexual. Sexual has to do with the activities of sex organs between two living beings. Erotic desires can lead to sexual expression but most of the time they will not. We have been conditioned to think erotic feelings are sexual feelings. Erotic feelings are strong and the satisfaction of Eros is very pleasurable. We have, I believe erroneously labeled these feelings “sexual”.

This splitting of the terms “erotic” and “sexual” accomplishes a lot. It narrows what is purely sexual. It allows us to feel physical affection for those of our own family when previously we may have cut those feelings off because we thought they were sexual.

Physical affection for a member of our own family or those we do not currently have close relationships with is mildly “erotic” (not sexual) because it has to do with our attitude toward their physical aspect or physical bodies. Remember, when considering physical affection we are specifically talking about what we feel when we consider the physical aspect of others; in other words the affection triggered by our perceiving their physical bodies. We see their youthful skin, their bright eyes, their beautiful arms etc. There is a natural feeling we feel when considering the inherent beauty of the physical body. It is physical affection which in turn arouses eros, the desire for union. I suspect many have unwittingly cut off these feelings mistakenly thinking they were sexual.