One of the most important clues that indicated I was lacking affection, even in my early childhood, was that I took no pleasure in hugging and kissing my mother. Some might say I didn’t love her. It must be understood that I did "love" my mother. I cared how she felt. I cared that she was happy. I never wanted her to be hurt. I was sad when she was sad and happy when she was happy. I always wanted to be in her company. Isn’t that love? The love I had for my mother is more of an altruist love characterized by empathy. I feel sad when others are sa
d and happy when they are happy. My mother was always caring for our needs and had great empathy for us as well. I probably got my empathy from her.
My mother was unfailing in her responsibilities as a mother. She was valiant in serving her family. So I had gratitude for my mother's sacrifice, for all she did for me. So I felt altruistic love and gratitude for her but does this have anything to do with "physical affection"?
If you have great charity, in my opinion, you have one of the most important virtues a person can obtain to. But charity without affection is not as rich as it could be. A certain warmth is lacking. You feel compassion for someone and you help them but there is not necessarily the warmth of physical affection. Yes, as you contemplate what someone does for you or what they mean to you there might arise in your heart certain warm tender affections. This is not what I mean by physical affection. Physical affection applies specifically to the physical aspect of the person you are feeling affection for.
I am not sure when I realized it, but at some point I knew that I did not take pleasure in hugging my mother. What was missing? It was physical affection. I had somehow been turned off to the inherent beauty and value of my mother as a woman. I did not look at her as I did other women. Even though she was physically attractive I did not allow myself to feel anything regarding her physical being. I tended to look at the weaknesses in her appearance for some reason rather than the beauty. So I was turned off to her physically and and for that matter to the bodies of anyone in my family. I found it easy to enjoy the beauty of women I didn't know but once they got close to me they became family and physical affection vanished.
My mother was unfailing in her responsibilities as a mother. She was valiant in serving her family. So I had gratitude for my mother's sacrifice, for all she did for me. So I felt altruistic love and gratitude for her but does this have anything to do with "physical affection"?
If you have great charity, in my opinion, you have one of the most important virtues a person can obtain to. But charity without affection is not as rich as it could be. A certain warmth is lacking. You feel compassion for someone and you help them but there is not necessarily the warmth of physical affection. Yes, as you contemplate what someone does for you or what they mean to you there might arise in your heart certain warm tender affections. This is not what I mean by physical affection. Physical affection applies specifically to the physical aspect of the person you are feeling affection for.
I am not sure when I realized it, but at some point I knew that I did not take pleasure in hugging my mother. What was missing? It was physical affection. I had somehow been turned off to the inherent beauty and value of my mother as a woman. I did not look at her as I did other women. Even though she was physically attractive I did not allow myself to feel anything regarding her physical being. I tended to look at the weaknesses in her appearance for some reason rather than the beauty. So I was turned off to her physically and and for that matter to the bodies of anyone in my family. I found it easy to enjoy the beauty of women I didn't know but once they got close to me they became family and physical affection vanished.
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